Our Friend Bhavana...May Her Soul Rest in Peace

After a while, one learns the subtle difference
between offering a hand and the linking of souls
one also learns that love does not mean making-love
and that companionship is not synonymous with security

And thus, one begins to learn

That kisses are not contracts and
that gifts are not promises

And one begins to accept his defeats
with the head held high and eyes wide open

And one learns to construct all his paths in the present
because tomorrows’s terrain is too indefenite for plans and
because the future has a tendency to break-down half way through
or simply fall flat

And after a while one learns that it is just too much
and that even the warmth of the sun burns

And then one begins to plant his own garden
and decorate his own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring him flowers

And then one really learns to withstand
and knows that one is really strong
and that one is really worth

One learns and learns
and with every passing day
learns a little more

With time one learns that being with someone
just because he or she offers you a good future
means that sooner than later
you will want to return to your past

With time you comprehend that
only one who is capable of loving you
with all your defects
without aiming to change you
can offer you the felicity that you desire.

With time you realise that if you are beside
a person merely to accompamy him in his solitude
you will irremediably want not to see him again

With time you understand that
true friends are few
and that
one who does not fight for them
will soon find himself
surrounded only by false friendships.

With time you learn that words
said in a moment of ire
could continue to burn in the heart
of the wounded all his life

With time you learn that anyone can excuse
but forgiveness is privy to great souls.

With time you comprehend that
if you have hurt a friend real hard
very probably that friendship
would never be the same again.

With time you realise that although
you are happy with your friends
some day will cry for those
whom you let go.

With time you realise that each experience lived
with each person is unique and irrepetitive.

With time you realise that each and every act of humilliation
showered onto a human being
will bring on to the actor
sooner or later
the same humilliation
four times over.

With time you comprehend that forcing things
or forcing things on to people
will not have the end that
you were hoping for.

With time you realise that
in reality your finest moments
were not in the future
but those you are living at this instant

With time you will learn that
forgiving and seeking pardon
loving and saying you love
missing and saying you miss
needing and saying you want to be friends
before a tomb
hardly makes sense.

But of course we learn everything in this very life, with time.

&n bsp;

(sent by Hari)

Dear Mayurika,

I am still in a state of disbelief. But in the last two days I was trying to relive our days in JNU and the memories of Bhavana fill my thoughts. I perhaps looked up to her as a fellow southie, but soon realised that she was far more cosmpolitan than any of us. An amazing person, I should say, the likes of whom are far and few. Her affectionate nature, sharp intellect and breathless speed of talking was always a source of admiration. I think she will be a source of inspiration for many.

I read the mails of all our classmates and I echo all their sentiments.

Destiny has been too cruel in cutting short such a wonderful life. I join all of you in our bereavement. I pray to God that He may give the strength for her family members to bear this loss.

bye,
Sanjay

I still can't believe the happy, fun and smart person I used to see every morning (Bhawana's room was opposite mine) will never be around. At JNU, away from the family, these were the friends with whom we struggled, and shared our joys and sorrows with. All my friends are very precious to me, and I hate losing any one of them.

Take care,
Ritu

May the family and friends of Bhavana Krishnamurthy have the fortitude to bear with her loss. And if only sharing could mitigate the sense of grief.

In solidarity.

For words are all we have.

As a person, but perhaps more importantly as a woman, Bhavana lived life so intensely that the gods must have turned envious. How else may I express our anguish at the passing away of such a fine person and a such brilliant mind?

Her residence amongst us was characterized by effusive charisma, a probing intellect, cheerful laughter, quick speech, and of course, great strength of character.

By walking down Sterling Road and trekking up the Himalayas and by crossing the seas, Bhavana has evidently stitched together quite a few hearts.

She was so distinctly individual and yet a team player, so daringly iconoclastic but so respectful of tradition. She was equally a challenge and a delight to be with. But above all else, it was her deep sense of justice that made her so very special.

This, is Bhavana Krishnamurthy, as I knew her.

Dearest Bhavana,
we loved you then, we love you still.

Ever so much.

And we are proud to have known you and that has made all the difference.

México City, Wednesday 04 May 2004.
Hari Nair.

I was so shocked when I heard. And I didn't have the courage to say
anything. Reading all of your thoughts now is making me cry. I'm shaking as I
write this email. While I might have not spent too much time with Bhavana since I didn't live on-campus, I just remember laughing with her and sharing her wry sense of humour. And Saon, I will confess too that I felt inadequate around her - she was so bright, so warm and funny. She was also a generous person, and would do little things and not want to draw any attention to them. I remember the rafting trip as one of my fondest memories from jnu. And I can remember those first two semesters so vividly. I feel so sad, and angry, I can't help but say that it isn't fair - she was so young, intelligent and kind. I can't bear to think about Najeeb and her family, and how devastated they must be. I will pray for them. How does one make sense of this?

I'm feeling terrible. Just read Mayurika's last mail and took print outs of all our letters in chronological order. Read all of them over & over again. It's almost been nine years, yet all of it seem as fresh as yesterday. She wouldn't have been so strongly etched in our minds if she hadn't meant anything to us, right? I hope she knew that. That she was a standard that we secretly measured ourselves against. I did. Often.

Why "secretly"? Why did I never tell her that? What was I embarassed about? I hope she could tell

Siddhartha, your mail brings tears to my eyes...I am also reminded of JNU days and the times we had spent together. Although we were both in London, we moved in rather different worlds...just an occasional chat in the school, or a cup of tea while taking break at the british library, or just exchanging smiles on the road...that's all I can think of. However, the JNU days were of course different and those are the ones, though far, which seem closer to me now...which come vividly alive in front of my eyes. I am reminded of Jhelum 13, our wild parties, sitting on the roads and chatting away till wee hours...and ours was such a cohesive class during those early days...I remember Bhavana coming to our rooms late in the night and just dragging us to the dhaba for a chat...yeah, you are right Saon, during those first two semsters we were particularly close, even as a class, and to a great extent because of Bhavana...do you remember the rafting trip, which Bhavana, being in the EC, turned into almost our class excursion? or the parties in CLE, making rum punch in buckets...or the ones in Gill's backyard...and of course, what a bright person she was...I can still hear her speak in class...always something different from the rest of us, and she could speak so fast...what a terrible terrible waste of intellect...

Never thought we would have to talk about her like this, in past tense...

I am so glad that at least I could write to you people and share the memories and images which keep haunting me...here there is hardly anyone who would know about these things, those times...Najeeb is here of course, but he is so shaken, so helpless...

Thanks for writing...
Mayurika.

Thank you Mayurika for letting us know about Bhavana. Her demise is a
loss to me. Bhavana and I were very close during the JNU days. She liked me
so much that one day she told me that she hated me for being like 'I am'.
We used to talk of poetry and dreams and life and happiness and sadness.
What can I say about her, which we already do not know. She was so
brilliant. She was someone who I used to compare with Nietzscheian superwoman.

Her ideas were supreme and magical. And she was a wanderer. Like an
eagle. I have missed her so much during the past years. What will not I give
to see her this time? I loved her secretly. My prayers are with Bhavana's
family and Najeeb and may God give us fortitude.

I miss her.

I have written to Najeeb as well. It has been ages since we spoke to each other.

-Siddhartha

What can I say?

I keep thinking of Bhavana's bright eyes while we would have one of
those intense discussions in class or out of it. I felt particularly close to
her during our first two sems of MA. I just can't forget how bright a
person she was...her voice keeps ringing in my ears, that particularly
enthusiastic tone, when she thought she had hit on the right
explanation...I wonder whether she found that ever...the perfect
explanation

May her soul rest in peace

Dear all,

Sorry for acting reluctant to divulge any information about Bhavana so far. As you would understand, we were told not to discuss about it in detail by the police. Also more importantly, we wanted to keep exact details of her death from her parents...we had thought, after discussing with Sujana over phone, that it might be better for the parents to know about it as an accident than murder. However, it couldn't be kept like that as somehow ( we still don't know exactly how) the news in very sordid details,spread like wild fire and reached India soon. So Sujana herself told her parents before starting for London. Hence there is no point any more in trying to hush things up.

It is very painful to narrate the details...these last few days have been hell! On Friday night, at around 10 pm, Najeeb was informed by the resident manager of our Residence that the Coventry police had got in touch with him and told him that Bhavana was found murdered in a hotel in Coventry. Najeeb told us about this late that night and the next morning he, along with another friend and the manager had to go to identify the body. We came to know the next day that Bhavana had been murdered on Thursday night in the hotel room and was discovered on Friday morning by the cleaners. The police had withiin hours caught the murderer, a guy whom Bhavana had gone to see in Coventry. He was caught on the CCTV and he himself later confessed. We had no idea about who the guy was but however, we came to know from other friends that Bhavana knew this guy for some time and used to go to Coventry to see him often. It seems that this guy, a British Nigerian, called Imachi or Emachi was Bhavana's flatmate last year in a private accommodation and had some problems with depression and drugs and Bhavana was actually trying to help him overcome his problems. Even now, we don't know the exact reasons or the circumstances which might have led to this tragedy. The post mortem revealed that she was strangled to death.

That's more or less the details...right now, the most important thing is to send Bhavana back as that is what her parents wanted. Sujana reached London today...she went to Coventry, saw Bhavana and has just come back to LOndon. Unfortunately the guy's defence has asked for a 2nd post mortem( which is a normal routine things it seems) which might delay the process a little. If everything goes alright they might be able to leave on Saturday.

Since Friday night, we are in a trance as it were...the first impulse was one of incredulity but gradually things are sinking in...we are unable to do any thing else...just trying to contact people, talking about the same unpleasant things over and over again. Najeeb is understandably inconsolable...there are some other close friends, we are just trying to be together and do things or take decisions. Now that Sujana is here things will be easier. She is an amazingly strong woman...

Just one more thing before I end. There are certain things about the incident which might be easily twisted to sensationalise the entire tragedy. As nothing really is known about Bhavana's relationship with that guy or why she had to be in a hotel etc., we should be careful that none of the details may be used against her unjustifiably and lead to idle gossip.I personally feel that she was just trying to help a person and bring him back to normalcy to the extent that she was not even aware of her own risks and finally became his victim.

That's all then from here for the time being.

Mayurika.